Bananas and Bread

I’m a non-confrontational person, and I like to avoid controversy.  That’s why my go-to response to assertions I don’t agree with is a thoughtfully mumbled, “Hm, er, well.  Huh!”  I’m not going to nod my head and refuse to stand up for what I believe in, but I am going to be timid when it comes to challenging someone.  If I’m stuck in a conversation with someone ranting opinions I don’t remotely agree with, I’m probably just going to squirm uncomfortably until my companion is also too uncomfortable to keep talking.

But I’m only like this because I don’t want to offend anyone.  My fear of accidentally hurting someone’s feelings cripples me—and this blog.   But I’ve realized that no matter what I write about, I am going to piss someone off.

Let’s talk about bananas.  I don’t really like them.  Maybe you, gentle reader, can respect that I don’t like bananas.  But what if I were to really disrespect bananas publicly, on the Internet?  What if I were to write that I find their texture mushy and that, although I buy and eat them occasionally, I think they serve no purpose, and that the world would be better off without them?  Woah.  “Too far,” you might think.  “I know how to cook bananas 50 different ways.  My family grew up harvesting bananas on the banana… farm.  I will never read this blog again after I leave an angry anonymous comment.”

And me being me, I won’t be like, “Screw this person and their banana love!”  I’ll be like “Oh my stars, I’m a terrible human, I must do penance by working on a banana farm for a year and eating only bananas.”

But there is no way that I can avoid ever offending anyone, because I have to assert something when I write… otherwise what’s the point in writing?  Let me be noncontroversial, for a second.  Forget bananas, let’s talk about bread: 

“Bread is good.  It’s okay if you don’t think bread is good.  Some people can’t have glucose.  I’m sorry if you can’t.  Not that I pity you, or think you’re pitiful.  Maybe you’re on a diet so you don’t want bread.  If so, I respect your decision to diet.  I’m not calling you fat, though.  In conclusion, bread is something that some people enjoy, and I am glad that some people enjoy it, but bread is not for everyone.”

That was probably the most successfully non-controversial piece I’ve ever written.  But it also didn’t mean anything; I didn’t say anything.  And THAT is why, in the future, I am just going to have to go ahead and make a point, whether or not it offends people.  And that’s also why I want to make it clear that if you don’t like what I have to say, that’s fine.  This is a blog.  It’s like an online journal but with less bitching and self-berating.  You can comment.  Or you can just X out of the window and think to yourself, “I don’t give a shit.”  Or you can get all fired up and write a defense of bananas or bread or whatever, and send it to me.  I’ll probably be like, “Valid point, my friend!  Bananas DO have potassium, and I am grateful for that!”  Yayyy bananas. 

PS:  For my more sensitive readers:  My apologies for using the word “shit.”  Oh, and “bitching.”  Yeah.