Me, ever so sensuously modeling "Jesus" sweatpants.
I posted this picture a couple of weeks ago on Twitter with the caption, “You can keep your reindeer sweaters. These sweatpants recall what the season TRULY is about.” I feel I now ought to elaborate on where and when these blessed pants fell into my praising, prayerful hands. I did not find them in a shop that also sells “Jesus is my homeboy” hoodies. Rather, I found them in the official shop of Oxford University.
During my last week studying abroad in Oxford, I casually waltzed into the store with the intention of purchasing some memorabilia that would cause onlookers to think “Wow, that person is smarter than me.”
(Note: I am a poser who studied IN Oxford, but not AT Oxford University.)
But, you see, Oxford University is made up of many separate colleges, and in this shop you can buy college-specific apparel, not just generic tourist swag. My eyes first gravitated towards the “Christ Church” sweatpants, representative, of course, of Christ Church College. I wanted them because 1. Harry Potter was filmed at Christ Church and 2. Christ Church is a really good school. I imagined running out the door in my new prized sweatpants and pretending to be a world-class rower on my way from practice to class, and people on the streets admiring me whilst tearfully recalling their own Christ Church rejection letters. But then I thought better of the purchase. I realized that unknowing Americans would think I was publicizing some church… and I just couldn’t have that.
But then I saw sweatpants with “New” written up one leg. Oh the glory of the joke therein! If I dropped the requisite 25 quid, they could be my new “New” sweatpants from New College! And ah, the beautiful irony when the “New” sweatpants were no longer new, and I had OLD “New” sweatpants! Oh, how I dreamt of the potential hours I might spend lounging about, alone in my apartment, giggling over my “New” sweatpants.
Then came the “Jesus” sweatpants from Jesus College. You can tell I got a kick out of those—hence the photograph. I almost bought them. But then…
From the excellently reputed University College came “University” sweatpants. How smashingly vague! I wanted them immediately. “Look fellow passengers on this aircraft, or fellow runners in the park. Here are my sweatpants. From my university… University. I wear them because I am so proud of the… university… where I study.”
