...Do you have what it takes to join?
I'm an awkward human. I become unexpectedly and inexplicably shy at inopportune moments, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to talk to strangers. I am far too impassioned when singing along to music, but if I'm contemplating something, I get a blank expression on my face that makes me resemble an infant or a vegetable. I stutter when I get excited, I'm self-conscious about the shape of my hands, and I consider a good night to be one spent in a snuggie with my cat.
So I came up with the idea for the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club, where humans who struggle with basic human functions can feel a sense of camaraderie. There are so many organizations out there for the charming and poised. Charming and poised people, read this and enjoy. But you can't waltz your way into THIS Club. We're highly exclusive and elite.
I've compiled a list of the most incredibly awkward things I can think of. This list is limited, but all of these items make me so unbelievably uncomfortable that I writhe in agony when one of them occurs. Some of these things I do. Others I would rather commit seppuku than do. So read up, feel uncomfortable, and decide, based on these qualifiers, whether or not you are awkward enough for the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club!
AWKWARD THINGS WARRANTING AUTOMATIC ADMISSION TO THE ANNAMAL CRACKERS AWKWARD PEOPLE CLUB:
1. Finger Guns
For some reason, pointy finger guns make you feel cool!! Throw in a little wink, or a sad attempt at one! Make some clicky sounds! It looks cool!
2. Running With a Backpack
It should be self-explanatory why this is awkward. The backpack flounces up and down. You look like a sweaty bouncy ball on the edge of a mountain. You're probably wheezing.
3. Solo Photo Booth Pics
I don't care how good you look. The fact is, you just sat ALONE in your room for lord knows how long attempting to capture your perfect angle. What are these faces you're making? What's with the hair-tuck move that keeps happening? PS, nice dorm room.
4. Kristen Stewart
If you're Kristen Stewart, you get to be in the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club without even auditioning!! Welcome, Kristen!
5. Slowly Eating Food in a Very Still, Silent, Crowded Room
This is awkward with crunchy foods, but it's even MORE awkward with oranges. Try it! It might be the peeling. Or the juiciness. Or the scent. But for a solid seven minutes, you and your orange are all anyone in the room will be thinking about.
6. Saying "That's Funny" Instead of Laughing
My seeming inability to fake-laugh is one of my worst qualities, as it makes me near impossible to flirt with. But at least I'm not the person who remarks, "...that's funny," in a bored tone after hearing a joke.
7. #Hashtags
I know I should use #hashtags if I want people to read my tweets, but for some reason, they make me so uncomfortable I squirm. "Dinner on the landing! #summer #friendship #redwine #fuckthesebreadrollsaregood."
I feel like a tool when I #hashtag. Instinct tells me that people who love hashtagging are the same people who once answered really personal questions about their love lives on Formspring.
In the spirit of full-disclosure, I'll tell you a secret: For a brief period in high school, I was totally the Kristen Stewart-type. Then I got into things like "joy." At any rate, those are my auto-qualifiers for the Club, but if you have other ideas, I want to hear those, too!
Think you have enough quirks to be a member?
If so, welcome to the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club. Congratulations! Wear your Awkward Badge with pride. Know that you are special. I'll see you at the first meeting, NEVER. Let's make a point of never meeting up, because let's be real, we're all way too antisocial and awkward for that.
-Annamal
Thanks for reading! Please "Like" this page on Facebook and share it with your friends! Your continued support means everything.
https://www.facebook.com/AnnamalCrackersBlog @AnnamalHalligan
I'm an awkward human. I become unexpectedly and inexplicably shy at inopportune moments, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to talk to strangers. I am far too impassioned when singing along to music, but if I'm contemplating something, I get a blank expression on my face that makes me resemble an infant or a vegetable. I stutter when I get excited, I'm self-conscious about the shape of my hands, and I consider a good night to be one spent in a snuggie with my cat.
So I came up with the idea for the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club, where humans who struggle with basic human functions can feel a sense of camaraderie. There are so many organizations out there for the charming and poised. Charming and poised people, read this and enjoy. But you can't waltz your way into THIS Club. We're highly exclusive and elite.
I've compiled a list of the most incredibly awkward things I can think of. This list is limited, but all of these items make me so unbelievably uncomfortable that I writhe in agony when one of them occurs. Some of these things I do. Others I would rather commit seppuku than do. So read up, feel uncomfortable, and decide, based on these qualifiers, whether or not you are awkward enough for the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club!
AWKWARD THINGS WARRANTING AUTOMATIC ADMISSION TO THE ANNAMAL CRACKERS AWKWARD PEOPLE CLUB:
1. Finger Guns
For some reason, pointy finger guns make you feel cool!! Throw in a little wink, or a sad attempt at one! Make some clicky sounds! It looks cool!
2. Running With a Backpack
It should be self-explanatory why this is awkward. The backpack flounces up and down. You look like a sweaty bouncy ball on the edge of a mountain. You're probably wheezing.
3. Solo Photo Booth Pics
4. Kristen Stewart
If you're Kristen Stewart, you get to be in the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club without even auditioning!! Welcome, Kristen!
5. Slowly Eating Food in a Very Still, Silent, Crowded Room
This is awkward with crunchy foods, but it's even MORE awkward with oranges. Try it! It might be the peeling. Or the juiciness. Or the scent. But for a solid seven minutes, you and your orange are all anyone in the room will be thinking about.
6. Saying "That's Funny" Instead of Laughing
My seeming inability to fake-laugh is one of my worst qualities, as it makes me near impossible to flirt with. But at least I'm not the person who remarks, "...that's funny," in a bored tone after hearing a joke.
7. #Hashtags
I know I should use #hashtags if I want people to read my tweets, but for some reason, they make me so uncomfortable I squirm. "Dinner on the landing! #summer #friendship #redwine #fuckthesebreadrollsaregood."
I feel like a tool when I #hashtag. Instinct tells me that people who love hashtagging are the same people who once answered really personal questions about their love lives on Formspring.
8. Not Swinging Your Arms When Walking
This might be something you have to try for yourself to realize how exceptionally awkward it is. One day, I found myself watching a man from afar, thinking he looked like someone who would sentence a fuzzy puppy to death for the sake of science. I figured out that it was because he didn't swing his arms when he walked. Awkward AND creepy.
In the spirit of full-disclosure, I'll tell you a secret: For a brief period in high school, I was totally the Kristen Stewart-type. Then I got into things like "joy." At any rate, those are my auto-qualifiers for the Club, but if you have other ideas, I want to hear those, too!
Think you have enough quirks to be a member?
If so, welcome to the Annamal Crackers Awkward People Club. Congratulations! Wear your Awkward Badge with pride. Know that you are special. I'll see you at the first meeting, NEVER. Let's make a point of never meeting up, because let's be real, we're all way too antisocial and awkward for that.
-Annamal
Thanks for reading! Please "Like" this page on Facebook and share it with your friends! Your continued support means everything.
https://www.facebook.com/AnnamalCrackersBlog @AnnamalHalligan
quoting movie lines...and nobody knows what movie you are talking about but you still keep quoting movie lines from said movie
ReplyDeleteYES. That's such a good one!!
DeleteAlso... unsuccessfully trying to explain a funny scene in a movie to someone who hasn't seen it