Once upon a time, this thing we call "the Internet" didn't exist. We didn't have to read about our friends' politics on Facebook, and unless we were physically next to our friends at lunch, we had no idea what they ate.
For a few formative years, we played with real, tangible people and things so that we learned to speak in more than 140 characters and knew that poking was rude. But technology advanced. And before we were legal adults, we were having our every awkward, embarrassing, adolescent moment documented online for all of our "friends" to see.
When the Internet came into our lives, the first things we made were email addresses. People used to care about forwarded emails; there used to be actual email threads. It was our first encounter with dancing flower graphics and digital American flags. We believed our forwards could cure people we'd never met of diseases we'd never heard of. It was a magical time.
Eventually, our parents let us come up with our own AIM screen names, and by the time we were in middle school, we were using them every day. We once invited dates to Preteen-Center dances under aliases like:
partygurl727
orlandobloomrox42
Wetkiss773
Alittlbtdramatic
Lilsportygrlmgs
lilsurfchick31
lazyboi8881
CAguysdoitbetter
ditzyblonde3242
MissKewl86
digitom91
Hottstuffaroo
It's obvious what was "kewl" at the time: spelling errors. Also, apparently these "hott" 9-12-year-olds knew how to party. I get the impression that while I was playing Oregon Trail with my cat, they were dressed up in their Limited Too finest and "wet kissing."
Personally, I want to remember myself as a kid who loved tea parties, Katharine Hepburn movies, and Irish rock. I want to believe that I was cool. But because the Internet butted its way into my life before I was a fully developed, semi-stable human being, it documents the embarrassing truth: that I WASN'T cool. That's right. I've been trying to bury this for years, but my first AIM screen name was KittyPwincess24.
This is what I imagine someone named KittyPwincess24 would look like:
Every day, we post things online. We instagram photos of our breakfast as if anyone actually gives a shit, and tweet inane nonsense like, "Garbanzo beans! Yum!"
Someday these things may embarrass us, just as we are embarrassed by our first screen names. Someday (later tonight) I will regret having posted that photo which yes, is an impressively posed selfie of me.
Do as I say, friends, not as I do. Remember when you were a QTpatooty32, and then DON'T post your embarrassing shit on the Internet.
Special thanks to everyone who sent me old screen names! If I didn't use yours, don't be sad, be proud: It wasn't quite as bad as the others.
Don't forget to "like" Annamal Crackers on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/AnnamalCrackersBlog
Twitter: @AnnamalHalligan
For a few formative years, we played with real, tangible people and things so that we learned to speak in more than 140 characters and knew that poking was rude. But technology advanced. And before we were legal adults, we were having our every awkward, embarrassing, adolescent moment documented online for all of our "friends" to see.
When the Internet came into our lives, the first things we made were email addresses. People used to care about forwarded emails; there used to be actual email threads. It was our first encounter with dancing flower graphics and digital American flags. We believed our forwards could cure people we'd never met of diseases we'd never heard of. It was a magical time.
Eventually, our parents let us come up with our own AIM screen names, and by the time we were in middle school, we were using them every day. We once invited dates to Preteen-Center dances under aliases like:
partygurl727
orlandobloomrox42
Wetkiss773
Alittlbtdramatic
Lilsportygrlmgs
lilsurfchick31
lazyboi8881
CAguysdoitbetter
ditzyblonde3242
MissKewl86
digitom91
Hottstuffaroo
It's obvious what was "kewl" at the time: spelling errors. Also, apparently these "hott" 9-12-year-olds knew how to party. I get the impression that while I was playing Oregon Trail with my cat, they were dressed up in their Limited Too finest and "wet kissing."
Personally, I want to remember myself as a kid who loved tea parties, Katharine Hepburn movies, and Irish rock. I want to believe that I was cool. But because the Internet butted its way into my life before I was a fully developed, semi-stable human being, it documents the embarrassing truth: that I WASN'T cool. That's right. I've been trying to bury this for years, but my first AIM screen name was KittyPwincess24.
This is what I imagine someone named KittyPwincess24 would look like:
Every day, we post things online. We instagram photos of our breakfast as if anyone actually gives a shit, and tweet inane nonsense like, "Garbanzo beans! Yum!"
Someday these things may embarrass us, just as we are embarrassed by our first screen names. Someday (later tonight) I will regret having posted that photo which yes, is an impressively posed selfie of me.
Do as I say, friends, not as I do. Remember when you were a QTpatooty32, and then DON'T post your embarrassing shit on the Internet.
Special thanks to everyone who sent me old screen names! If I didn't use yours, don't be sad, be proud: It wasn't quite as bad as the others.
Don't forget to "like" Annamal Crackers on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/AnnamalCrackersBlog
Twitter: @AnnamalHalligan
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